ARGUMENTS Q17.36, Q27.80-1, Q88.21-2

I have had my fair share of arguments especially as a student. Those days, one will argue and shout herself hoarse! Now, I’ve realised that we cannot all share the same views and that changing a person’s mind is only possible if his/her mind is open to change.
Oftentimes, arguments stem from arrogance; the belief that ‘my view is the only right one’. It’s normal to disagree with each other but it is more peaceful to agree to disagree than to enter into a disputation that leads nowhere.
When we argue, we should realise that:

• Your view is not the ONLY right one besides, your opponent also feels his/hers is correct.
• Most times, arguments are counter-productive and time-consuming eventually making both parties cling stubbornly to their opinions
• Very rarely is an argument borne out of a sincere and humble need to correct
• There must be etiquette involved in debate for it to be beneficial

So, before you embark on that trip to nowhere, here are some tips:
• There is no point arguing with someone who cannot reason
• Have a respectful conversation with no insults, sarcasm, arrogance or lousy attitude
• Do not raise your voice
• Air your views and listen to your opponent’s
• Do not lie or speak on what you have no knowledge. Use data and facts to drive your point across
• Gracefully but purposefully refute lies
• Avoid extremism or exaggeration
• Leave your mind open. It is an act of an educated mind
• Pray to Allah to guide both of you to the Right Path

We should recall that just because someone is taking another route to our destination does not mean they won’t get there. As the African saying goes, ‘The market has many entrances.’ Let us look outside the box and be tolerant enough to listen to others’ opinions even if we do not agree with them. You don’t have to act on views you do not believe in.

May Allah open our hearts to discern and accept the truth.



Although I am a medical doctor, I hate visiting the sick in the hospital and staying long. I just worry that I am burdening the patient with my stay and would rather do a quick check-in and –out. I am also uncomfortable staying long at people’s houses for a visit. It feels like extending my handshake to the elbow. As a woman, I am aware of the hoops women jump through to make their guests comfortable at their own expense and it seems unfair to take full advantage of that.

We should not visit people unannounced unless we are extremely familiar with them. There is really no excuse why anyone will suddenly drop by in this era of cell-phones, free emails, text messages and instant messaging. This will give your host time to prepare and possibly purchase or cook/bake what to host you with. Not all homes are fully-stocked 24/7.

As much as is possible, a non-mahram male should not spend the night in the house of a couple. It inconveniences the woman who has to observe her hijab in your presence. Her house is her sanctuary, somewhere she can let her hair down and dress down. You ruin this tranquillity for her particularly when you prolong your stay; her only reprieve limited to her bedroom. Between the inconveniences of a tropical temperature and special times like breastfeeding, her hospitality can quickly turn to hostility.

Fellow women who travel with their toddlers need to be mindful of them. We should not leave them to run amok, destroy appliances, break dishes, defecate or urinate indiscriminately, and leave food crumbs in their trail. Pick up after your children.

We should also endeavour not to make a nuisance of ourselves by staying out late, disrupting the peace in the house by playing loud music or having noisy friends over. Destroying property in their houses is also a big no-no.

Narrated Abu Shuraih Al-Ka’bi quoted Allah’s Messenger (SAW) as saying: Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, should serve his guest generously. The guest’s reward is to provide him with a superior type of food for a night and a day and a guest is to be entertained with food for three days, and whatever is offered beyond that is regarded as charity. And it is not lawful for a guest to stay with the host for such a long period so as to put him in a critical position. – Sahih Bukhari 6135

Also try to involve yourself in helping around the house and following the house rules. Take your dish to the kitchen and wash it, preferably. Clean up after yourself and make your bed. Assist by taking the children off their parents’ hands by playing with them or helping with their homework.

Do not pry into their affairs particularly if they are a couple and unless your advice is sought, or it is absolutely necessary, keep most of your thoughts to yourself. Do not take sides without listening to both sides of the story.

When preparing to leave, inform your hosts ahead of time so they can accommodate dropping you off at the airport or car park, into their plans.

As the host(ess), we are duty-bound to treat our guests kindly. Having snacks, some juice or cake handy can save us embarrassment when friends pop in unannounced. We should be patient and accommodating and try to involve our guests in our activities if they are staying for long. Time should be set aside daily to converse with them no matter how tight our schedule is.

And when they leave, we should see them to the door and try not to make our relief obvious!

So, who do you plan to visit this weekend?