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PAYING VISITS Q33.53

Narrated Abu Musa (R.A.):

The Prophet (SAW) said, “Set the captives free, accept the invitation (to a wedding banquet), and visit the patients.” –  : Sahih al-Bukhari 5174

Although I work in the hospital, I hate staying long when I visit patients (unless they would rather I stayed). I worry that I am burdening the patient with my stay and would rather pop in and out. I am also uncomfortable staying long at people’s houses for a visit. It feels like extending my handshake to the elbow. As a woman, I am aware of the hoops women jump through to make their guests comfortable at their own expense and it seems unfair to take full advantage of that.

We should not visit people unannounced unless we are extremely familiar with them. There is really no excuse why anyone will suddenly drop by in this era of cell-phones, free emails, text messages and instant messaging. This will give your host time to prepare and possibly purchase or cook/bake what to host you with. Not all homes are fully-stocked 24/7.

cookies and milk

image credit: http://www.goodfon.su

As much as is possible, a non-mahram male should not spend the night in the house of a couple. It inconveniences the woman who has to observe her hijab in your presence. Personally, I cannot do without my hijab outdoors but once I am indoors, I toss it fast! A woman’s home is her sanctuary, somewhere she can let her hair down and dress down. You ruin this tranquility for her particularly when you prolong your stay; her only reprieve in her bedroom. Between the tropical temperature and special times like breastfeeding, her hospitality can quickly become hostility.

Fellow women who travel for visits with their toddlers need to be mindful of them. We should not leave them to run amok, destroy appliances, break dishes, defecate or urinate indiscriminately, and leave food crumbs in their trail. ‘They are just kids!’ No. Pick up after your children and caution them when necessary.

We should also endeavour not to make a nuisance of ourselves by staying out late, disrupting the peace in the house by playing loud music or having noisy friends over. Destroying property in their houses is also a big no-no.

Narrated Abu Shuraih Al-Ka’bi quoted Allah’s Messenger (SAW) as saying: Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, should serve his guest generously. The guest’s reward is to provide him with a superior type of food for a night and a day and a guest is to be entertained with food for three days, and whatever is offered beyond that is regarded as charity. And it is not lawful for a guest to stay with the host for such a long period so as to put him in a critical position. – Sahih Bukhari 6135

Also try to involve yourself in helping around the house and following the house rules. Take your dish to the kitchen and wash it, preferably. Clean up after yourself and make your bed. Assist by taking the children off their parents’ hands by playing with them or helping with their homework.

Do not pry into their affairs particularly if they are a couple and unless your advice is sought, or it is absolutely necessary, keep most of your thoughts to yourself. Do not take sides without listening to both sides of the story.

When preparing to leave, inform your hosts ahead of time so they can accommodate dropping you off at the airport or car park, into their plans.

Also noteworthy is that we should not convert our observations to gossip and tales by moonlight for our family members and friends. ‘Do you know the couple sleep in separate rooms? They must have quarrelled more than 5 times in the few days we were there!’

As the hosts/hostesses, we are duty-bound to treat our guests kindly. Having snacks, some juice or cake handy can save us embarrassment when friends pop in unannounced. We should be patient and accommodating and try to involve our guests in our activities. Time should be set aside daily to converse with them no matter how tight our schedule is.

We should also discuss when would be convenient for a reciprocal visit. No responsible individual wants to be the perpetual visitor. Make an effort to return the visit to keep the ball rolling.

And when they leave, we should see them to the door (or gate / bus terminal/train station/ airport) and let’s try not to make our relief obvious! 😉

 

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NOiR: Saturday Makeover

[Qur’an in Ramadan 22:Q36.60-Q39.52]

Ramadan_Kareem
Today is the day of makeovers.

Have you been toying with the idea of covering your hair, wearing or increasing the length of your hijab, niqab for a day, growing a beard, wearing a kufi (cap), or donning something distinctly islamic? Well, today is your day! It could even be a make-down (is there such a word?). If you are used to going out with full make-up, go out with none today.

It can be pretty scary to finally brace up and do it. Trust me, I know. Your heart may rattle against your ribs like a caged bird when you eventually step out of the house but make sure you plaster a smile on your face and walk tall. You did not rob a bank! Shuffling like a victim and slouching will make you an easy target so you have to have a healthy dose of confidence to pull off your new look.

You haven’t been toying with the idea of a makeover for yourself? Grab a friend, sister, brother and make them up instead!

You are welcome to share your day with me.

APPEARANCES Q2.44-6

No matter how voluminous your hijab is, it cannot conceal a bad attitude. Likewise, a huge beard cannot hide an evil heart.
People see through these things. You may be able to fool some of the people most of the time but you draw the wool over everyone’s eyes forever.
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In as much as our outward appearance is important, and shows that we are not ashamed to be identified as Muslims, we should not forget that the best form of invitation to Islam is a beautiful and exemplary character. Our influence as role models should not be used negatively.

As Muslims, we should not encourage others to ridicule the hijab, trousers or beard. No matter the length or size, we should preserve our brothers’ and sisters’ honour and not join in backbiting them. It makes no sense to look like a Muslim, talk like one but act in a non-Islamic way. however, this is not to say we shouldn’t correct the wrongs we see in other Muslims but we should do so with tact and propriety.
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Our appearances should serve to remind us of our duties as full-time ambassadors of Islam and should help us act better and with humility. The fact that we look like Muslims should not make us look down on those who do not. The fact that we can be identified as Muslims should deter us from being discourteous, breaking rules, shoplifting, fighting and making a spectacle of ourselves in public. This taints other Muslims and reinforces the wrong stereotype people have in their minds about us.

Do not be a source of derision to the Ummah. Be an exemplar as a Muslim, whether or not you wear the hijab or possess a beard; but especially because you do.