CUT SOME SLACK Q35:45

I do not think I will ever feel qualified enough to give marital advice but sometimes, like today, the advice wants to give itself!

Alhamdulillah for those of us who are married; single and searching and even happily single (ain’t anything wrong with that). May Allah restore happiness to the widow(er)ed and the divorced as well.

Human interaction is not always easy. One thing I have always observed in marriages that last is the ability to pick one’s battles.

I had known my husband for quite some time before we eventually tied the knot so I thought I knew him pretty well. Then we got married and we both started to unpack our emotional luggage and sparks began to fly! No, not the good type of sparks.

With a couple of years under our belt, I make bold to say like Kenny Rogers said in the Gambler,

‘You’ve got to know when to hold ’em,
Know when to fold ’em,
Know when to walk away,
And know when to run…’

The Prophet (S.A.W.) said:
‘Whoever gives for the sake of Allah, withholds for the sake of Allah, loves for the sake of Allah, hates for the sake of Allah, and marries for the sake of Allah, he has indeed perfected his faith.’- Jami` at-Tirmidhi Book 11, Hadith 252

Everyone has a deal-breaker or two or ten… There are some things I may endure that someone else would absolutely not tolerate. I personally cannot tolerate domestic violence but some women feel it spices up their marriage. Many older generation wives seem to turn a blind eye to their husband’s extramarital affairs while younger wives have little tolerance for such. Accept your spouse for who (s)he is and decide whether of not you can live with them. Know your deal breakers and take a stand.

If you hate something about your spouse, analyse it and see that it is not for selfish reasons. If we’ve married our spouses for the right reasons (for their iman and piety), we should be able to continue loving them for the sake of Allah. Likewise, we should dislike a bad habit of theirs for His Sake and continue to pray that Allah rectifies this trait. Of course, we may also need to have a discussion with our spouse to communicate our feelings.

Every marriage is customised to suit the couple in it so what works for ‘A’ may not work for ‘B’ hence the need to know what is important to you. Don’t sweat the small stuff like he forgot your birthday unless it is ABSOLUTELY important to you. Focus on the things your spouse does right and appreciate him/her for those.I’ve seen mothers fighting while their children are neglected. I’ve heard of wives complain incessantly about their husbands until they succeed in pushing a good man away.

Conserve your energy for important matters and you will be able to create a more nurturing home for your husband and children with less tension from the reins you hold so tightly in your grasp.

This also extends to other areas of life and to our interaction with other people. Look at the big picture and decide if someone’s behaviour is something you can overlook or not. Allow people to make mistakes and be themselves. Be tolerant. None of us is perfect. It’s not every time you bark. No one takes a dog that’s always barking seriously.

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CHARITY Q9:79-80

image credit:www.gettyimages.ae

image credit:www.gettyimages.ae

Have you ever been indecisive about giving alms? Have you ever had someone discourage either the amount of money you want to give in charity or who you want to give it to?

‘I know that man. He is actually not a cripple. I saw him shopping at Oshodi market last weekend and he was walking with his two feet!’ or ‘That man claims to be blind but has two wives and 8 children living in a house he built himself!’

In Sahih Muslim Book 12, Hadith 99, the Prophet (SAW) narrated a hadith where a man desired to give charity so he gave it (on different days) to an adulteress, a rich man and a thief. The people complained about the beneficiaries of such donations and an angel came to tell him (the donor) that his charity had been accepted because, the money the adulteress received may make her refrain from adultery; the donation the rich man received may teach him to spend of what Allah has blessed him with; and the thief may refrain from committing theft.

Also in a hadith narrated by Abu Mas’ud:

When we were ordered to give alms, we used to work as porters (to earn something to give in charity). Abu Aqil came and gave one and a half sa’a (small measure of grains) and another person brought more than he did and the hypocrites said, ‘Allah is not in need of this small amount of charity (to Abu Aqil) and this other person did not give alms but to show off.’ Then Allah revealed: Those who criticize such of the believers who give charity involuntarily and those who could not find to give in charity except what is available to them (Q9:79)…- Sahih al-Bukhari Book 60 Hadith 190

The truth is that it doesn’t matter. The quantity doesn’t matter and who we give it to doesn’t as well. What matters is our intention.

May Allah reward our acts of Ibadah.

BECAUSE OF LOVE Q2:45, Q8:28

If you have watched Nollywood movies (Nigerian, mostly home videos), you would have observed a recurring act: the native/witch doctor. It is why I rarely watch them.

From the movies I have seen, and stories I have heard, it is inevitable that the outcome of such visits to the land of idolatry will be dismal. Even those that end up happily ever after are only happy shortly after. That’s why it boggles my mind why people still patronise these practitioners.

Allah has recorded in His Book that our properties and children are but a trial but it seems we do not quite ‘get’ it sometimes.

In most movies, the protagonist doesn’t mind being killed; afterall, (s)he must have had many near-death experiences to take death too seriously. The antagonist understands this hence attention is often shifted to a cherished person or innocent bystander. For the safety of this person, the hero would jump through hoops for the antagonist just to ensure peace.

Why do desperate people approach native/witch doctors/devil worshippers etc? Majority do so for the sake of their loved ones.

I am not here to sound sanctimonious because I do not know what I would be capable of in such a situation where my loved ones’ lives are at stake but right now, I do know that asking for Shaytan’s help and welcoming him into my home will only spell doom and I am counting on you to remind me if ever (audhubillah) such an opportunity arises.

Life is full of ups and downs, highs and lows, zeniths and nadirs. These opposites help us to better appreciate our situations. It gives us a scale with which to evaluate our success or failure. Challenges do not always mean our ancestors or the people in the village are after us. No one lives a rosy enchanted life. It doesn’t exist. Not in this world. All the wealthy people and celebrities we envy have their challenges too. No one is exempt.

We will all face challenges at various points in our lives. Just because we are Muslims who pray regularly and punctually, and fast and give charity doesn’t mean we are exempt from trials. These trials help to chisel away the irrelevant pieces that constitute us, bringing forth the masterpiece we were created to be. We should allow Allah show us what we need to learn to move to the next stage and pray for patience and iman, instead of throwing all our lives away by committing the one unpardonable sin of shirk.

Do not kid yourself. There are many masquerading as religious scholars who will tell you to perform acts that sound contrary to Islam’s teachings. Do not attempt to eat a meal made of a black cockerel killed by twisting its neck at dawn or justify drinking an alcoholic concoction at the stroke midnight while standing naked in a river/stream or your bedroom just because an ‘Alfa/Mallam/Ustadh’ told you so. That is not Islam and deep inside, you know it . Do not do it and don’t have anyone do such for you. Even the Rukia that is supposedly acceptable also comes with a caveat.

Ibn Abbas quoted the Prophet (SAW) said, ‘70,000 people of my followers will enter Paradise without account. And they are those who do not practice Ruqya and do not see an evil omen in things, and put their trust in their Lord.’- Sahih Al-Bukhari Book 81, Hadith 61

Please, for Allah’s sake and for yours too, make only authentic du’a that have Quranic or ‘Sunnatic’ backing. It’s easier these days to simply google strange du’a you are told to make to find out if they exist in the Qur’an or the Ahadith. The onus is on us to learn to communicate with Allah and seek knowledge to get closer to Him.

Don’t throw away all your struggles so far only to end up facing Allah’s Wrath in the hereafter which is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay longer than our brief sojourn on Earth.

A word is enough for the wise.

May Allah keep our hearts steadfast. May we not deviate after we have been guided.

‘HERE COMES THE SUN!’ Q3:27

Am back!!! ALHAMDULILLAH!

Phew! Feels great to be back here! *dancingalittlejig*

I apologise for the long break, wonderful faithful readers. I thought of blogging many times but I just couldn’t afford the rent of my online abode for a while now. And my laptop seems most offended by my desertion that she has been giving me a hard time too! I guess I deserve it 😀

Alhamdilillah, the break has been mercifully cut short by someone I used to have a love-hate relationship with back in the University about a decade ago. It is amazingly merciful who Allah picks to help you up. If someone had said back then that we would be friends today, we would probably have given the person a sidelong glance and walked away in disgust. Yeah, our relationship was pretty turbulent in the past but I guess we have both matured.

image credit: physics.stackexchange.com

image credit: physics.stackexchange.com


I am immensely grateful to have been helped back up by Allah through RuqRaj (as I saved her name on my phone). Allah used her to bring the sun back to this blog which had been covered in cobwebs. May Allah reward you as He knows best with an overflowing abundance of good! Jazakillah khayran katheeran for your persistent encouragement.

It is also a reminder that what was once sour can become sweet and what was once delicious can become bitter with just a whisper from Allah ‘Be!’ and it is. May Allah sweeten our lives with Iman.

My yummy sister, my personal cheerleader, my one and only Bismama! Thank you for your selflessness and immense wonderfulness! Jazakillah khayr aplenty too 😀

Many thanks also go to Sister Papatia who tried to cajole me out with an award despite my absence and Abu Amirah who also reached out to me. May Allah and your loved ones never forget you.

So! *clappingmyhandsexcitedly* We’re back in business but permit me to do some cleaning and I will be ready in a few days to welcome you back into my online home. Thank you for not unsubscribing and deleting my address off your reader.

Hope you will be back in a few days. Please, do drop by for a visit then. I will be honoured to have you.